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Muddypelt and the Three Humans

Muddypelt and the Three Humans

By the Amazing, High and Mighty Sarah

Once upon a time, long ago, right in the middle of a huge expanse of trees, there lived a family of three people: a father, a mother, and a little boy. The mother loved to cook more than anything, but she had some trouble with her timing. She would often leave supper in the oven too long, and it would come out burnt, or even undercooked. This made the father very irritable, and gave the boy an excuse not to eat his dinner and go straight to dessert. Everyone knows that only eating sweets is very bad for you, and though the boy didn’t know it, his fondness for chocolate was bound to give him oral plaque buildup or high blood sugar. Now, the mother couldn’t just stand by and watch this happen! I mean, who would want an irritable husband? Not her! So she vowed to perfect her timing. And what better food to practice on than meatloaf? Everyone hated its heat-susceptible meat, so she figured she would feed her family the half-baked results of this test, and when she had mastered the art of cooking they would all sit down to a nice meal of perfectly cooked spam. Of the two meats stored in the house, the family liked spam more, so better to exhaust the meatloaf reserves first.

So the mother set to work. Day in, day out, she could be found in the kitchen fussing over a slab of meat loaf. First one would be too burnt, or red in the middle. Sometimes the mother got so nervous that she would overcook the meat that she took it out of the oven when it was still raw. The nausious fumes drove the father and boy from the house most days.

However, as every good little girl and gent knows, peoples’ opinions on foods and their odors vary. One of the rare animals that is immune to meatloaf, a brown bear, was waddling about the woods one day near to the meatloaf-infested house. This was a young bear, with silken, mud-colored fur, and shining eyes the color of the amber that prehistoric insects are preserved in. The bear’s name was Muddypelt. She was really a lovely young bear, who was kind to all her fellow bears. She even had a peculiar fondness for humans and their strange delicacies. So this bear was ambling around, digging for grubs or observing butterflies or whatever it is bears do, and she smelled meatloaf on the breeze. Following the odiferous odor, she was lead to a small, somewhat rickety household. The scrumptious smell wafted deliciously out from under the door, making Muddypelt want to faint with delight. Here was a meal fit for a bear like her! So while the mother left the house to go to the Meatloaf Depot (she was running low), Muddypelt quietly trampled through the door.

The first thing Muddypelt noticed was the heaps of badly cooked meatloaf piled on the table. She went straight to them, scarfing down the raw chunks, inhaling the burnt sections. Soon the piles were half depleted. But alas, Muddypelt’s feasting was cut uncomfortably short as she heard the mother’s swift footsteps returning from the Meatloaf Depot. With a gasp (which sounded like a hack owing to the quantity of meatloaf still residing in Muddypelt’s mouth), the bear leapt into action! She crept back through the house, doing a ninja roll around the corner. Soon she came to a back door, which she crashed quietly through. She then retreated into the cover of the woods.

The mother (whose name shall never be revealed, in case you were wondering) came through the front door, cheerfully whistling an upbeat tune. She carried a stack of meatloaves in her arms, and she dropped them all very suddenly when she saw the significantly smaller pile of previous meaty failures on the table. “Why!” she exclaimed loudly. “It looks like a young bear has been eating my meatloaf, even though there is no way to tell that it is indeed a bear and not a forest walrus!” She rushed over and counted the remaining loaves. “Goodness me, there are eighteen missing! What ever shall I do? My dear husband will have to go without the recommended thirty-six loaves of meat to get the full nutritional value of one square inch of spam! What ever shall I do?” In distress, the mother scurried to pick up the fresh loaves she had dropped, placing them on the table next to the old ones. “I must hurry and finish these, so I may give my dear husband nutrition! I can eat one or two loaves, and that’s all we need.” She quickly half-cooked the last meatloaves.

Barely a nanosecond after the mother yanked the last loaf from the oven, the father and son came tramping through the door. “Hello, Wife,” the father said loudly. “Dinner is ready, I take it?”

The fantastical mother/wife combo nodded hurriedly. “Oh, yes dear!” She quickly set down a plate of meatloaf in front of him.

“Not this blasted stuff again!” the father said.

“Terribly sorry, dear,” the mother said, “This should be the last batch.”

“Good riddance,” the father grumbled haughtily.

Through this short monologue, the son sat quietly in his chair, snatching pieces of meatloaf from his father’s plate, as his mother had neglected to give him one of his own. “Mother,” he spoke up, “may I have a plate?”

The mother blinked, and then smiled. “Of course you may, dear!” she said genially. She then proceeded to set an empty plate down in front of the boy.

The boy sighed resignedly and sat back in his chair.

Meanwhile, out in the woods, Muddypelt was wandering around, content after the quantity of meatloaf, but still craving more. She made up her mind to return to the yummy-food-house the next day.

This sentence shall be solely devoted to a magic time lapse, which only fairy tales or kids shows with suns and moons that switch places way too fast can pull off.

The next morning, while the father and son were out again, the mother found the last three meatloaves left over in the meatloaf cabinet. Knowing she had to perfect her technique with these last three, she carefully prepared the meatloaf oven and slid the first loaf in. Panicking, she took it out too early. The second time, she became paranoid about taking it out too early and thus took it out too late. It was the previous day all over again.

Looking dejectedly down at the last raw loaf, the mother knew it was her last chance. With shaking hands and baited breath, she slid the very last loaf onto the top rack in the meatloaf oven.

Just then, there was a crash outside the house. Startled, the mother rushed out the door to see what had happened. She then noticed a rustling noise rushing away from the house. The rustling noise was accompanied by the terrifying screams of the son. Fearing the worst, the mother quickly followed the noise.

Earlier that day, Muddypelt had realized that the only way to get more of that meatloaf was to get the mother away from the house. She had searched around the forest until she found a pair of vacationing lemurs from the Amazon. She employed them to weave her a long string of grass. The lemurs promised to get to work, happy to have something to do as the forest was not as exciting as the travel guide had said.

Continuing through the trees, Muddypelt came upon a pair of birds. She asked their help with a trick she wanted to play on the son, and once she promised she would help them dig for worms, they agreed. Finally Muddypelt reached the river that ran through the forest. Usually she stayed away from the main body of the river, as it was polluted with human junk, but now she dunked a claw in the water and came up with two tin cans.

Taking the cans, Muddypelt charged back to the lemurs. As it turned out, they had been employed in a weaving factory back in the Amazon and had successfully weaved a mile of string from the grass on the forest floor. Muddypelt had them tie a can to each end of the string. Then it was time for the most dangerous phase of the plan.

Hurrying through the trees with the lemurs at her heels, Muddypelt came as close to the house as she dared. One lemur took a can and ran out to where the father and boy were fishing at a pond. When there was a small tug on the other end of the string, Muddypelt knew it was time.

Nodding to the remaining lemur, Muddypelt scrambled up a sturdy-looking tree and jumped down onto a pile of firewood, making a tremendous crash. Heart pounding, she then dashed behind the house to hide. She heard the mother run out of the house, and the remaining lemur thrashed around, making a rustling sound, making her way toward the pond. The lemur brought the can along with her.

Down at the pond, the two birds Muddypelt had hired had found a spider and dropped it on the boy’s head, causing him to scream right into the can that one lemur had left by him. Even though in our world if you have a string with cans on the end, you have to pull the string tight to get sound to carry through to the other can, this was not our world and therefore the string could be loose and the son’s screams carried down to the house.

Just as the mother set off into the undergrowth to follow the lemur, Muddypelt dashed through the open door. On the table were two loaves, which Muddypelt presumed were for the mother and father, since she had heard the old bearytales telling of a girl eating the Papa and Mama bears’ porridge. Muddypelt first nibbled on the edge of a darker meatloaf. “Ooh!” She quoted, “Much too hot!” Feeling proud of herself for remembering lines from the stories her mother used to tell, Muddypelt proceded to nibble on the second meatloaf. “Hmm, much too cold.” She then noticed a third meatloaf still in the meatloaf oven. Flipping down the oven door with her dexterous paw, Muddypelt tugged out the loaf and swallowed it whole. “Mmm! Just right!”

Back by the pond, the mother had come stumbling back only to see her son stomping on a helpless spider. After asking what had happened, the mother came to a conclusion; “That bear – or forest walrus – that ate my meatloaf must have played a very elaborate trick on us and is now eating the last meatloaves and quoting old tales!” The father and son agreed. “Well, in that case, let us just stay out here until it is safe to go back,” the mother proposed. The father nodded his agreement, and the son verbalized his. So the small family stayed out by the pond while Muddypelt finished off the meatloaf. The mother never did figure out that she had timed the last meatloaf perfectly, but no matter, she was a much better spam cook. Muddypelt came through on her promise to the birds, and soon word of her worm-digging skills had spread and she had decided to go into business digging worms for hungry birds, in return for new human food.

And it goes without saying that they all lived happily ever after.

Disclaimer: All events in the preceding story are hereby officially and on the record declared false. Any resemblance to person or persons who are indeed real and alive is unintentional by the author and should be dismissed as a coincidence. No meatloaf was devoured in the writing of this story, and of course there are no bears in the worm-digging business in a grove of trees, so there’s no reason to mention it to your local birds as Muddypelt is kind of swamped with orders at the moment. Thank you.

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SPAM > MEATLOAF

Behold, an upload! *le gasp!*

Yeah, sorry I’ve been AWOL for a while. I’ve got this weird rash/hives thing on my feet/knees/elbows/hands that itches like crazy and is really annoying. I feel like if I use my tablet I’ll leave behind whatever virus is causing it and I’ll get it again later Dx And also, I’m just sorta art blocked. So no art for a bit.
But I can upload writing (sorry for not working on TWS, I’m re-working the plot and it takes a long time). This is my fractured fairy-tale from last year. It was super fun to write 😀 If you can’t tell it’s a spin on Goldilocks and the Three Bears. For the most part it’s got nothing to do with the actual fairy-tale, I just rambled about meatloaf for most of the story, but I like it c:
And I know Muddypelt could be a warrior cat’s name, I tried staying away from that but there wasn’t any way around it ’cause I wanted it to correspond with Goldilocks’ name. Get it? Gold locks, versus brown fur. Get it…? Okay, anyway.
Critique is welcome 🙂

Also, holycrapthissongissoawesome.

Preview picture is here: [link]

 
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Posted by on August 16, 2012 in Miscellaneous, Short Stories

 

Bricks on Vacation

One of many bricks stamped with the following:"ST. LOUIS V.Argh this is so cool. So I’ve been on vacation in Two Harbors, Minnesota, which is near Duluth and on the shore of Lake Superior. There are some big rocks by the shore my brother, cousins and I were climbing around on, and there was some cement too. Some chunks had metal poles about an inch in diameter. There was one big piece that was in the shape of a corner, sitting so it looked like a roof. My brother noticed a brick in the side that looked like the one pictured, but it was old and hard to read without taking a charcoal rubbing or something (I didn’t have any paper/writing utensils handy), and part of one corner was covered with cement. But I thought it said;
ST LOUIS
V & E BOOK
ST ANDARD
The spacing was kind of weird, and I couldn’t see any of the periods. The S in Louis and the K in what i assumed was Book were covered, and the first O in Book is really a C but it was hard to make out, as was the E (really an F). I did notice the space between B and the rest of what I thought was ‘Book’, though my brother said it was irrelevant. Anyway, I remembered it until I found a pen in the car later that day, and wrote it on my hand (I was in too much of a hurry for paper). I looked it up about 20 minutes ago, and though it took me a few tries and different keywords to try it, I figured it out! I’m proud of myself. I feel all smart and clever C: Also, I didn’t know ‘brick collecting’ was a thing, but apparently it is. Go figure.

Oh, and this is the message that came with the original picture:
“One of many bricks stamped with the following:”ST. LOUIS V. & F. B. CO STANDARD”According to this link, that probably stands for the St. Louis Vitrified & Fire Brick Co. who’s mine was located in St. Louis County at Dorsett and Fee Fee Roads. The company was also an exhibiter at the 1904 World’s Fair in St. Louis.”
It’s from a blog in Centaur Mines, Missouri. MISSOURI. And I found the brick in Minnesota. It’d be interesting to find out how it got there! Another mystery for tomorrow. It’s late here and I’ve gotta sleep.

Just thought I’d share my little nugget of knowledge and discovery with you. Hope you found it at least a tiny bit cool 😀

 
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Posted by on July 26, 2012 in Miscellaneous

 

ARE YOU AN ARTIST? Then please read this! :)

(Ok, I guess this blog isn’t really going to be limited to writing-related stuff anymore. I’ll still upload writing stuff, don’t worry, but it’ll have other things too 😉 But anyway!)

OKAY. SO. I just had an idea. I would like to think it’s a great idea. I think it’s great, but that might be my ego. But anyway, I’ll tell you and let you decide:

So my friend Abby got me started on the song Wavin’ Flag by Young Artists for Haiti. It’s a really great song, similar in genre to We Are the World 25 (for Haiti). I was listening to it (again) and looking at the title of the youtube video, and then I thought… They mean ‘young artists’ in the sense of young musical artists. But what if young visual artists could do it? Heck, visual artists in general, no matter the age (or skill level ;p). Nothing outrageous, just a video on youtube to that song, accompanied by pictures with the lyrics written on them. And each line of lyrics could be drawn/painted/photographed/whatever by a different artist, similar to MEPs. I think that would be awesome. If anyone would want to do this, please please please leave a comment and I’ll post how I was thinking of dividing the lyrics, and more info 🙂
Thanks for reading! I really hope I can get some people interested in this!

 
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Posted by on July 22, 2012 in Art, Miscellaneous

 

Tags: , , ,

Writers gotta get out

Writers gotta get out

We can’t just sit inside all day. If we get too pale we’ll get burnt by sunlight through the window. A favorite way of mine to get out and about is to go camping! Truth be told, I don’t actually get the chance to do it that often, but my girl scout troop and I recently went on our first camping trip, so I’m hoping that we’ll go again soon (and I do realize how sad it is that it was our first trip).

Besides the plain awesomeness of camping, camp food is great. Even if you’re only camping in your backyard, you just can’t beat food cooked over an open fire (or maybe one with a grate). So just for anyone interested, I’ll share the menu from my last camping trip (when I heard what we were having I declared that “I would go just for the food!”). Be warned! just about everything will be hot at first. Not like wince-and-clench-your-teeth hot, but more like holy-shoot-did-lightning-just-strike-my-fingers hot.

Supper: Hamburger Tin Foil Dinners

What you will need (all vegetable/fruit toppings are optional):

-A campfire (marshmallow embers style, not a roaring fire)

-A roll of tin foil

-Raw ground beef/hamburger meat (whatever you want to call it)

-Cubed carrots (raw)

-Cubed potatoes (raw)

-Chopped up bell peppers (red, green, yellow, orange; whatever color floats your boat!)

-Chopped garlic

-Chopped celery

-Chopped apple slices (I use Granny Smith apple slices, which are then cut into thirds)

-Salt and pepper

-A1 steak sauce

-Water

What to do:

First, grab a sheet of tin foil. It should be about as long as it is wide. Place however much hamburger meat you want on it; I tend to use about a cup, because I put on tons of toppings. Then just start choosing what veggies you want. The apple slices were an experiment, left over from roasting apples (coming up). They turned out kind of mushy and not really to my taste, but you might like them! You can of course add different toppings, or take away some. After you have added toppings to your liking, sprinkle on some salt and pepper. Now comes the important part: adding the liquid. Because of the cooking method, if you don’t add liquid, everything will get burnt. So put in a dash of steak sauce or water – or both. It doesn’t have to be much, maybe a teaspoon or so (note: you don’t need to actually measure anything while making tin foil dinners – or pretty much any camp food I’m going to show you. Just guesstimate!). I personally added the last dregs of the steak sauce – maybe 1/4 of a teaspoon – and then poured some water from my water bottle over the rest of my food. After you get the liquid on, simply wrap it up. Make sure you get the tin foil completely around the food, you don’t want it getting burnt! After it’s firmly wrapped up, take a serving spoon or tongs or something and insert it into the fire in a nice little nook. The fire should still have some tongues of flame around, not completely embers (this is doubly good because you can roast food at the same time). Leave it in the fire for 15-20 minutes; as long as the meat is cooked and not red when you take it out you’re good.

Snacks: Roast ALL the food!

Roasting hotdogs and marshmallows over a fire is your classic scout scene. But those aren’t the only things delicious when roasted! My troop and I collectively roasted just about everything we brought that we could stick on a marshmallow-roasting steak thing. Here’s what we came up with (note: nothing we roasted was harmful when eaten raw, it’s just a matter of how cooked you like things. Though sometimes it’s sort of important; half-cooked apples are a lot better than half-cooked potatoes):

-Apples (see above). Granny Smith apple slices are nothing short of delicious when roasted. You can roast them until they get fairly burnt (the skin is going to get burnt very quickly, ignore that, I’m talking about the fruit itself), so all the juice is gone and it’s almost like very hot freeze-dried apples, or take them out when they are merely browned.

-Potatoes. Make sure these are thin slices, not chunks like for tin foil dinners, because you don’t want to spend all day waiting for them to cook all the way through. Thin potato slices roasted are remarkably yummy, and taste very similar to store-bought french fries. Make sure to add lots of salt (and maybe some pepper) before sticking it by the embers; it stays on a lot better that way.

-Orange slices. I personally didn’t try this, but a friend did and said it was very messy, but good.

-King’s Hawaiian rolls (which are amazing any way you eat them). It’s very fun to toast these by sweeping them over the flames!

-Brownie Bites. Once again these are awesome anyway, sticking them in the embers makes them warm and melty and downright irresistible.

-Marshmallows (duh). I have a method to getting the chocolate to melt too; I stick the chocolate through the middle of the marshmallow (though if you keep the marshmallow in for too long the chocolate sticking off the ends will melt off!)

-Croissants. They are so good just lightly toasted like the rolls!

-Sausages (pre-cooked ones). Whatever brand our troop leader bought were amazing. Not even joking.

I feel like I’m forgetting something big, but I just can not think of it right now. Ah well, I’ll have to ask my friend (: Maybe she has a better memory. But experiment! That’s how we figured out that the above list tasted so supercalifragilisticexpialidocious. (Oh, and we also had popcorn over the fire with my friend’s popcorn maker! It beats Jiffy Pop in every respect.)

Desert: Banana Boats and more tin foil

Well unfortunately we didn’t actually get the chance to try banana boats, because we didn’t have bananas, so I’m not 100% sure how they work, but I have a basic idea.

Take a banana still in its peel. Cut a slit lengthwise in it, I’m guessing through the top part of the peel and the banana itself but leaving the bottom of the peel intact. Then fill the slit with mini marshmallows and chocolate chips. Then wrap the banana in aluminum foil and cook it in the same manner as the tin foil dinners, though for a much shorter amount of time (more like 3-5 minutes).

But that’s not the only tin foil desert. S’mores are nice, but we were craving something more interesting (especially as the majority of us have been hanging out at my friend’s house a lot having campfire cookouts in her back yard), we tried something different.

First, take three or four full-sized marshmallows. Lay them on a piece of tin foil (it should be smaller than the piece used for dinner). Add some chocolate, an orange slice, and two apple slices (or whatever else you want). Wrap it up – extra carefully so no marshmallow bubbles out – and stick it in the fire for 3-4 minutes. Then unwrap and enjoy the sticky goodness!

Breakfast: Stuff I’ve already mentioned

For breakfast we had croissants, pre-cooked sausages, and more brownie bites and Hawaiian rolls over the fire.

Why it’s good to have a camp stove too

Shameful as it is, we also had some food we didn’t cook over the fire. We had canned corn to add to our tin foil dinners once they were cooked, because the fire wasn’t high enough to use the grate. We also made tea and hot chocolate in the morning, though it took long enough. The camp stove tipped over, so we had to go and get another bucket of water from the faucet down the path. Ugh, work. But the taste of mini marshmallows and those little clumps of still-dry hot chocolate powder in the drink at first was well worth it 🙂

I hope you got some use out of this post (though I’m sorry if it made you hungry)! I’ll get back to writing about writing next time 😉

 
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Posted by on July 18, 2012 in Food, Miscellaneous

 

Arrrrrgggghhhhhhhh

That’s the sound my brain is making right now, because it knows that I have a tendency to make blogs like this one and, after a few posts, abandon them. It’s not as if they ever get views, so what’s the point? But, I’ll try with this one, because frankly I have nothing better to do.

Anywho. This, as the title implies, is a site about my strange ventures into the realm of writing, specifically during the teen years, but mostly general writing. And I don’t even have a compass. Wish me luck.

 
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Posted by on July 16, 2012 in Miscellaneous